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Junk Shots 2007
 
 
 
Don't quote me while my foot's in my mouth!

Speaking whilst inserting a foot in one's mouth is seldom a good idea. When the proverbial consequences hit the fan, the stock reaction is to complain about being taken "out of context". Andy Murray is the latest to trot out the lame old excuse in a desperate attempt to qualify his comments about corruption in tennis. "When I said, 'everyone knows that it's going on'," he explained, back-pedalling like a politician on a unicycle, "I meant that everyone has probably heard that three or four players have spoken out about being offered money to lose matches — which they refused."

One can only hope the young Scot's backsliding is proving a salutary experience. Stoking up controversy in the glare of the media spotlight probably seemed like fun at the time. As for the dressing room glares of his fellow professionals - now that's a context he'd probably like to be out of at the moment.

Murray wins Wimbledon title

I wish I could have a pound for every time someone has said to me: "See I told you Murray would win the Wimbledon title!" (following Jamie's success in the mixed doubles with Jelena Jankovic).

An inconvenient cure

After such a cold, wet Wimbledon, it's time to start the backlash against Al Gore. Bring back global warming! The man's gone too far.

Looking on the bright dark side

You know what? It makes sense to be a pessimist because you're either proved right or you're pleasantly surprised all the time.

Make it rain on Slough to ensure a dry Wimbledon!

The umbrella trade could soon be roaring in Slough following rumours that the All England Club is considering using rain seeding to control the weather during the Wimbledon fortnight. As the costs of installing a retractable roof over Centre Court continue to spiral, the prospect of manipulating the weather around London SW19 is becoming a very attractive alternative.

It may sound outlandish, but rain seeding has been around for some time. The world's most active proponents are the Chinese, who recently triggered a snowfall over the city of Nagqu in Tibet. It's a procedure that involves releasing a catalyst such as silver iodide into clouds by means of aircraft or rockets. A more recent development has involved sprinkling a special powder into the air to "dry up" clouds and reduce the threat of hurricanes and tropical storms. Experimentation started way back in the 1940s and has been quite controversial. There are some who suspect that rain seeding was the cause of the Lynmouth flood in 1952.

Chinese authorities have already promised to use rain seeding before the Beijing Olympics to clear the skies for the opening ceremony. So why should we Brits not fire a few chemicals into the clouds as they approach Wimbledon so that they release their soggy cargo before they reach the hallowed lawns? Surely the residents of Slough wouldn't mind making this small sacrifice?

"There are some defeats more triumphant than victories"

Following his Australian Open fourth round encounter with Rafael Nadal, the BBC hailed Andy Murray's "valiant" and "lion-hearted" performance. The Daily Telegraph enthused about his "brilliant tennis which the rest of the sport simply cannot ignore." The Guardian insisted the young Scot had "served notice of greatness" in a knife-edge struggle and The Times suggested he had now become "world class".

"I don't believe for one minute that Rafael Nadal knew where Andy Murray's next shot was coming from. Not for one minute," said John Lloyd, Britain's Davis Cup captain, while Murray himself declared: "It was probably the best I have ever played, probably better than when I beat Federer last year."

Did no one notice he lost?

"A clever man commits no minor blunders"

It would probably be an understatement to say Serb Janko Tipsarevic was uncompetitive in the second set of his encounter with Belgian Kristof Vliegen in the Heineken Open in Auckland. Vliegen edged a closely-fought first set 7-6 and then lost a mere five points in the second set, which took just 17 minutes. Tipsarevic apparently reads Goethe and Nietzsche in his spare time so presumably he can be philosophical about any fine coming his way.

Getting better

It's amazing to think we're the product of two million years of evolution. Oh boy.

Improve your accuracy

Always aim for a target when you hit the ball. To be sure of hitting the target, hit the ball first and call whatever you hit the target.

 
 


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